Wants, Needs and Weeds

Hello Dear Ones,

I recently got this question:

“I’m a 53 year old heterosexual female. I  pride myself on not needing any man, any person, really. I provide financially and emotionally for myself and my son.  But my boyfriend doesn’t know how to be with me, because he’s used to feeling good about himself by being needed by a woman. I have run into this before so many times! What can I do?”

– ‘Needless in Nevada’

As you know, Readers,  I’ve been all about discovering my wants and needs these last few years.  One thing that always confuses me is the idea of needs. There are some things I need to survive and other things I can’t thrive without, but I can certainly live without.  I’m going to call these wants that are necessary to thrive ‘weeds.’  I got the term by taking the W from wants and the N from needs. I want to thrive the way a weed grows – exuberantly! I want to be hearty and have a wide variety of healthy growing conditions, in narrow cracks and on wide slopes.

So I need air, and water and healthy food and exercise to survive. I need to have work that is valued in our society and pays well enough.  But to thrive I need a wide variety of kinds of social interactions.

I weed to interact with people who get me.

I weed to interact with people who are willing to show me their world.

I weed to interact with people who can show me that they treasure my company.

That’s a lot of weeds!

So Needless and I had a conversation about the difference between Needs and Weeds. We did a meditation about how on one hand being a woman in this world who can take care of her needs is strong and beautiful. But there is another hand, there already exists a future version of herself that is deeply in touch with her wants, need and her weeds.  I believe that if Needless can tune into the places where she weeds her boyfriend, that he will find a way to resonate with that inner music, and find a way to feel valued and to reflect his appreciation back to her.

What do you think? Leave a comment about your Wants, Needs, and Weeds in the comments section below. Please share this post on Twitter or Facebook.

Ask me a new question, or be added to my mailing list,  using the contact form. You will receive a link and a password to unlock a worksheet to create your own meditation on Wants, Needs, and Weeds. One lucky winner will who completes the contact form will even win a free 20 minute meditation session over Skype with me!